Full Circle
by Witchytara25
Summary: Everything eventually works out as its supposed to be.


A/N: My muses apparently like when I write Alex/Olivia now. I'm not complaining, but I really wish they would let me write my JJ/Emily high school fic that I've been working on for over three months. However, I do what the muses demand because if I don't, they tend to take away my ability to write for awhile. I still hold out hope that Alex will come back and save Olivia in the season 15 opener. Look, I also dream of Emily coming back on Criminal Minds and confessing her feelings for JJ. A person can dream and maybe someday I will have my slash pairings.

Disclaimer: The only thing that belongs to me is the story. Other than that, the characters belong to NBC, Dick Wolf, Mariska Hargitay and Stephanie March. I just wish the writers would have explored the Alex/Olivia relationship.

Motioning with your hand, you call the bartender over for another drink. Maybe if you drink enough, you can forget the pain you're in. Maybe you can forget the fact that the case you were just on didn't have a happy ending; that in the end you were too late to save the last victim. Maybe you can forget the fact that you have given thirteen years to a job that sometimes feels thankless and you wonder if you really are making a difference.

Mostly, though, you're drinking to forget _her._

The blonde ADA who has haunted your thoughts for thirteen years; who you fell in love with probably the moment she walked in and introduced yourself. Sure, when you first met her, you thought she was an uptight bitch who only cared about her win/loss percentage and not the victims. Over the years, you saw that she did care; she just wouldn't let her emotions show.

Your verbal battles with her were legendary both in the 1-6 and in the ivory tower. You two were known for heated battles. Elliot called them "foreplay without the sex." You have to admit, while she exasperated you to no end, you also relished the sparring. Over time, a mutual respect formed, and then a friendship was born. Neither one of you could deny the sexual tension between the two of you; however, you were hesitant to act on it.

So you hid behind the friendship and the safety net of convincing yourself she was straight. You convinced yourself that you were out of her league. You convinced yourself that the one night stands, the unemotional attachments were for the best. You ignored the fact that they all looked like her in some ways; you ignored that you felt empty after each one.

Then all hell broke loose.

You begged her not to prosecute Vedez; told her it was dangerous. She wouldn't listen. Had to prosecute to the fullest extent of the law. Had to be the 'crusader for justice.' You begged her to reconsider, to spend the night at your apartment that night. She said she'd be fine. You watched her walk away; the next moments will haunt you for the rest of your life as you heard the shots and watched her fall to the ground. You begged her to stay with you. You will never forget the feel of her blood on your hands as you begged her to stay with you. She locked her eyes on to yours as you fought to stop the bleeding.

You remember screaming at Elliot to get the ambulance there as soon as he could. You remember them taking her away and then hearing the words "She didn't make it." You remember growing cold and walking away numb beyond belief. You wanted to yell, scream at the fates; yet, all you could do was walk back to your apartment and sit in the darkness, numb and unable to cry.

You remember drinking that night to numb the pain. You also remember getting into a car and being driven to a location with Elliot and both of you being confused why you were being led to a secluded location and then almost falling over in shock because out stepped an injured, but otherwise very much alive, Alex Cabot.

She explained to you what happened; that she was going into WitSec and that she insisted on telling the two of you the truth and goodbye. She locked her eyes on to yours as she was talking and in that gaze, the both of you exchanged something more than goodbye. In that gaze, you had to hold out hope that she would be back someday. You wanted to go up to her and hug her, but you knew you had to keep your distance.

Four years passed, and you just hoped every night that she was somewhere safe; that she was thinking of you. You threw yourself into your work; everyone knew you were trying to bury the pain of her being gone. Elliot called you on your feelings, but you brushed him off. During the day, you were fine; the darkness was what always seemed the hardest. The nights you stayed up, filled with regret of all the things left unsaid. You swore that when she came back, you would tell her everything.

However, when she came back for the Connors trial, you never got the chance, because after the trial, she was whisked away again. Then she returned and never told you. You heard through the grapevine she was back; that she was promoted to Bureau Chief. You were beyond hurt and pissed that she couldn't be bothered to tell you that she was back.

Before your train of thought can continue, the bartender sets down another jack and coke in front of you and you smile slightly, nodding your thanks. He moves down to the other end and you stare into the drink, wondering if you imagined everything. That maybe the gaze you exchanged wasn't what you thought; that you misread everything.

Sighing, you bring the drink to your lips, but before you can take a sip, you hear a voice behind you say quietly, "Liv?"

Slowly, you put your drink down and say quietly, "How did you find me?"

"I asked Elliot. He was worried about you. I owe you an explanation."

"You owe me a hell of a lot more than that, Alex." You pick the drink up again and take a sip, not even wincing as it burns going down.

You hear the sigh behind you and she steps to the empty barstool next to you. "May I?"

You shrug and she takes that as permission. You sigh and keep staring into your drink, wondering why she's here. "Why couldn't you tell me you were back? Why couldn't you be bothered to tell me of all people you were back? Why did I have to find out through rumors?"

She sighs and says quietly, "It's complicated."

"How is this complicated? A phone call, an email, text, _something_ to tell me you were back. I thought we were friends. I thought that maybe…" you let your voice trail off, taking another sip of your drink, resisting the urge to down the whole thing and order another one.

You hear her sigh and she says quietly, "I didn't tell you because I was afraid to see you."

You snort and down the rest of your drink, motioning to the bartender for another one. "You? Afraid? Of what?"

"Of seeing you. Of old feelings being brought back."

You turn slowly look at her. "So, instead of coming and talking to me, you avoid me for six months? You avoid telling me your back?" you shake your head and nod your thanks as the bartender hands you another drink. "I thought we were better friends than that."

She sighs again and stares down at the bar. You take another sip of your drink, waiting. She looks at you and says quietly, "You can't make this easy, can you?"

"When have we ever been easy with each other?"

She smiles slightly at that and says quietly, "When I was it WitSec, all I ever dreamed about was coming back. I knew I would. But, there were times I almost lost hope. That I would never be able to come back to my old life. Then, I was in the program for so long, that I almost forgot who Alex Cabot was. I was playing a character, but the character I was playing was supposed to be me. So, I come back to fanfare, to media coverage, and to the one person I dreamed about for four years. However, I wasn't done. I didn't know if I would ever be done. Then they said I could have my old life back if I wanted it."

You nod. "But that doesn't explain why you couldn't tell me of all people you were back."

She sighs and says quietly, "Because I was afraid."

"You've said that. I'm not quite sure of what though." You bring the drink up to your lips again and she takes it out of your hand. Surprised, you turn and look at her. "Of you. I was afraid of you."

"Why?"

"Because…" she shakes her head, and in that moment, you realize that this is not the same Alex Cabot that walked into the 1-6 all those years ago. This is a broken Alex Cabot, but yet, you can see the same steely resolve that you fell in love with all those years ago. "Lex…" you say softly, putting your hand over hers. "Tell me."

"I didn't want to see you because it would bring back the feelings I've tried so long to fight. Over a decade ago, I fell for the most stubborn, incorrigible, passionate detective. This detective would fight with me over everything. Our fights were quite legendary among our colleagues. Somewhere along the way, I fell in love with her. But I was always too afraid to tell her; I didn't want to lose her friendship. And there was no possible way she could feel the same way."

"Why didn't you ever tell me this?"

She continues as if you hadn't spoken. "So, I do something stupid and go and get myself shot after she begged me to not take the case on. I was taken away from everything I knew and loved, including her. I remember her voice as I was fading in and out of consciousness. I remember thinking that if I survived this; I would come back and tell her. Then, the chance was given to me, and instead of doing what I said I would do, I ran. I ran and hid and told myself it was better this way. The great Alexandra Cabot was afraid." She sighs then, and you resist the urge to wrap your arms around her. Her explanation makes sense, but it doesn't lessen the hurt.

She looks at you then and picks up her purse. "I know that's not the explanation you're looking for, but it's the truth. I didn't come see you because I was afraid. I was afraid to tell you that I loved you. I was living for a dream for all those years; I took on the world because it was my style; yet, you knocked me on my ass and I never quite recovered." She stands up and starts to get off the barstool. Before you can think, you reach out and grab her arm. She looks down at your hand on her arm and says quietly, "Liv…let me go."

"Not a chance." You look into her eyes and you can see the hope, fear and longing in them. "I waited for you all the time you were gone. I waited for you to come back so I could tell you how I felt."

"How do you feel?" she asks her voice barely audible. Instead of answering her, you throw caution to the wind and lean over and kiss her. Brushing your lips across hers, you've imagined this moment so many times in your mind, but the fantasy can never compare to the reality. She whimpers in surprise, and you pull back, staring into those blue eyes that haunted you for all these years.

"I've been in love with you for a long time." You stand up and stand in front of her, looking down at her. "You walked into my life over a decade ago; I'm not letting you walk out this time. How can I convince you that this is real? That I feel the same way?"

She looks up at you and you find yourself unable to speak for a moment. She says quietly, "I'm not the same person."

"I don't care. You're still the same woman I fell in love with all those years ago. You're still the one I want."

"After all this time?"

You nod, and you step back and she stands up, placing her hands on your hips. You look at her and before you can open your mouth, she leans up and kisses you and in that moment, you know that this is where you're supposed to be. You know that this is the woman you've been waiting for your whole life. The search has come full circle. You kiss her back with the pent up frustration of years of longing and waiting. She pulls you closer and you wrap your arms around her back. Only when the need for oxygen becomes to great do you pull back. You rest your head against hers and say quietly, "I love you."

"How can you be sure?"

You smile and pull back, running your hand down her face. She closes her eyes and you say softly, "Because no matter how much I tried to forget you; no matter how much I wanted to forget you; every highway always led me right back to you. We've come full circle. You're my destiny."

Tears fill her eyes and you brush an errant one that falls down her face. "Give me a chance to prove it."

"I don't deserve you."

"I'm sure you don't." she opens her eyes at that and you offer her a lopsided grin. "But, you have me."

She smiles slightly and buries her head into your chest. Aware of where you're at, you stroke her hair and say softly, "Let's go home, Lex."

She nods and tightens her hold on you for a few seconds longer before leaving go.

You throw some money on the bar and motion for her to go in front of you. You place your hand on the small of her back and she turns around and looks at you and in that moment, you know that there will never be anyone else for you. That what you've been searching for has finally been found.


End file.
